Self-Preservation

This evening I will:

• work on some mix cds for my friends.
• read
• write
  
• detach myself from this stupid thing because i'm sick of being like the kind of people i hate, I.E. "Look at meeeee!" on Twitter.

I'm re-examining my self-worth realizing that there is so much more there I need to cultivate.
Good night.

the resolution?

I've got to get my shit in perspective and keep it there. I need to go with wherever the wind takes me. To wait around is to guarantee myself nothing but more hurt, and I'm not going to do that to myself.

I know nothing is finite, but from here on out I want to work on being okay.


Is that okay?

10:58

I'm not living, I'm just killing time.

About Today

so May 29th is over a month away and I am so unbelievably anxious for that day to come that it's killing me. i get to skip school that day (mama's letting me :D) with friends to go to philly, to see The National at the electric factory (my favorite band, mind you!). so i'm pretty sure, under the assumption that i will not be mugged and/or hit with a public bus, there is absolutely nothing that could taint that day's inherent awesomeness, i tell you. it's bound to be the day that makes my year and the more i think about it (which keeps happening) the more eager i become and it's driving me off the wall with excitement.
at any rate, to get off that subject before i go absolutely insane, friday is finally coming along tomorrow and i am so ready for this school week to be over. as far as i know, i'll be going to the mall with my mother on saturday (fringe sandals? new bra? aiii??!), and tomorrow after school i'm hanging out with mike. not sure what we're going to be doing. probably eat Chinese (we always do), maybe watch a movie... i hear through the grapevine, though, that it's to be a beautiful day and i think we should take advantage of such pleasant weather and go someplace. i couldn't tell you where, to be honest, but someplace nice. doesn't have to be far. doesn't have to be special, or fancy. just someplace where i can watch the sky or feel the breeze and not want to go inside.
i think i'm going to make it a point to have an amazing friday.
so, to anybody wasting their time reading this, happy friday. even if it's only thursday.

sajkdsalkjdlka

i don't know what to say? my school week has been lasting way too long.
please let this weekend be okay.

What, me worry?

So I discovered Annie Clark, this wonderful musician who goes by the name of St. Vincent. She's truly lovely... that classically beautiful voice, her writing, everything so far is just lovely!
My iPod died the other day. It was terrible. But Bobster fixed it, and thus far we believe that its life will be prolonged! A little bit, at least, and I've got my fingers crossed.
I'm pretty tired. I went to Perkins after the mock show (which went ridiculously well! my voice died a little at the end of I Kissed a Girl but who the fuck cares? ha) with a few people, listened to a boring-as-balls, hour long conversation concerning prom (I guess I'm just not interested?), ate half a sandwich and some mini-chimis which just might be the best appetizer ever.
I was bummed out on the way home though, because as tired as I was, it sucks to have to go home, you know? I don't do much so for my mom to let me go out to eat so late was really kind of a big deal for me. I like that kind of freedom.
At any rate, by the time I got home it was about 12:30 a.m. and I wasn't feeling too well. My tummy was kind of hurting a bit, but the stars were so beautiful and I didn't want to go upstairs and sleep just yet. So we walked around my driveway and watched the stars and had conversations and although it all didn't last longer than 45 minutes, I'd imagine, it was really lovely. We sat on the concrete bench on my patio and talked about anything we thought to say.
I don't have nights like that, where my rents are asleep and I'm just going off of how I feel. I know how lame that is to say, but really, it means something.
I just don't have nights like these. But it made coming home okay.

Break was good

really good.

I'm hoping these new plans will actually be something I can look forward to. For once.

...instead of hope for and have said hopes crushed in the process of waiting for said plans to come true.


*sigh*