hanging by a string

i can't make this any less cliche than it's going to sound but i feel as if writing something might help so that i can vent but all in all i find that i must continue breathing and continue living nevertheless

although to be completely frank i can't see myself wanting to do either one of those things as of late. i feel myself falling apart completely and hating myself.

i dont think im mentally up for performing on saturday but my hopes are that if i can keep it all together it'll be good for me. maybe i'll get a good amount of applause and how cool would it be if i won? i'm not expecting it... but for a brief moment it's almost a glimmer of hope for just learning how to function again

i need to learn how to function again. to function without him. to function knowing that there is no chance of reunion, no chance of making anything back to the way that it was.
god for the first fucking time in my short life i have realized more than ever a lesson that i will never, ever forget.
i just want to fall asleep and never wake up. at least not for a long time