the point of it all.

so girl meets boy. girl and boy grow close. girl and boy stop talking.
few years later, girl meets boy again. they reconnect. they grow close yet again, and it blossoms into what she's convinced is the best thing that's happened to her in a long while.
and for a brief length of time, it is.
but that all changes when boy brings another girl up, and this creates a worry that never leaves girl's mind.

eventually, the shit hits the fan and girl realizes this boy was not all that she had been hoping for, and that she should have thought a little more about being able to trust him before letting herself get so attached, that it was a bad idea to begin with, that for every sweet thing he said, there was an equivocally terrible word he would have no reservations throwing at her. at least that's how it felt.

when friends ask me whether something is worth pursuing or fixing, i ask this:
does the good outweigh the bad?

if the answer is yes, then by all means, pursue this. it could be worthwhile.
if the answer is no, then you need to get out of there.


by now the thing that aches the most is the regret that comes from wasting my time.
because being led on is never fun, and you don't tell somebody you love them just for the sake of the moment, because you think it's what she wants to hear. and you don't bring up somebody else from your past and expect her to take it.

next time a strapping young lad comes my way, perhaps we will see eye to eye a little more, and perhaps i will grow to trust him completely. but there will be no commitment prior to finding that trust. and i am in absolutely no hurry anyway.

because you see where it got me? wasted time, and a lot of crying.

you were so not worth it at all.


so here's to missing out on a great girl, man, because you totally did.