Halloweeeen

my favorite holiday of all and im spending it alone. no plans. everyone's busy and i got invited nowhere... so yeah. im considering just going to bed.
i feel so pathetic, im dressed up like a pirate right now, i was thinking my friend might come over but she's busy so that was a negative. so im gonna change out of this stupid outfit because no one's gonna see it anyway.


night.

All the words in my mouth

so.... i'm naive, and probably making a mistake, but i'm trying to do things a little differently!
the end!

So. Wow.

Let's talk about things i've done that i'm going to regret to a ridiculously great extent by like, this afternoon. i'll keep the situation ambiguous but yeah, this is weird. i need to get myself some more common sense.
well let's look at the bright side: at least there's no attachment there. none gained (i hope. i know i haven't.) and none lost (none to begin with, right? we can only hope!).
i'm going to the mall today with my mom. i'm hoping to get my book, 'american psycho' today.
i'm tired. i want to sleep. and pretend like last evening didn't turn out the way that it actually did.
that must be a new record, i regret it by 9:34 a.m. the next morning. i had given myself a few more hours until i'd see the gravity of how stupid i was. well at least my reaction time is improving...
this is lametastic.
see ya.

This modern love breaks me. This modern love wastes me.

this song's just great. pretty much sums me up in a nutshell when it concerns those romantic matters and whatnot. so... here's where life has brought me lately:
i can't go into extreme detail. but life can be very great. i will say that.
life can also be a flaming pot of shit, but that's okay because i've got to take the wonderful days with a pinch of salt, right? i think that's the expression. i could be completely wrong about that. ho hum.
this week is spirit week; something i'm both happy and rather disappointed about. you see, spirit week is good fun. but they cut Halloween day out of the picture, which broke my heart in half, considering Halloween is my favorite holiday. Oh how I do love it! but the establishment sort of said no to that love of mine so i feel the need to mope and scoff.
today was farmer day, and i actually dressed up for it. it was fun-ish. but i am sorry for the deer who jumped into Mr. P's room, for whatever reason it decided to do so...
hm, what else...? homecoming is friday. i think i might have mentioned that. in my journal, perhaps. i am excited for that. and tomorrow is era day, for which i will be going all out, dressing in 40's garb, hoping not to ruin my beautiful vintage dress i bought three years ago at WW2 Weekend. that lovely off white frock has been hanging in my closet for close to three years. i've never worn it because i've never had the opportunity to. so tomorrow's my chance and if i dump something on it, at least i will have looked nice for one day.
i am all over the place.
i will write another time. for now, my communication is limited because my mother holds quite the grudge and demands i leave my laptop and phone downstairs with her by ten each day. lame to the twelfth degree.
night.

This was a great weekend.

Hands down, great weekend. i'm happy i was able to spend it with such awesome people. corn mazin' it up, and, uhm, strategizing. it was just a good time, all in all. looking forward to days that might even top this one. maria, robby, chris... you guys are grand. and harry and eric are pretty spiffy as well. can't deny that fact.
anyway. my stomach is a little woozy and i am tired as all hell. i just finished my homework, and tomorrow's farmer day at school, which i will actually be partaking in, ha. plaid top and freckles drawn on my face. i don't know why freckles are associated with farmers but they are, i guess. so hopefully that isn't too poopy.
hm, what else? well. my mother is quite mad at me. but let's not think about that. things like that are unimportant. happiness is key. happiness is important to me, and dwelling on things that shouldn't or should have been said is unhealthy. it'll get me absolutely nowhere. if i stand here dwelling, i will be standing in the same exact place a week from now. and who'd want that?
homecoming dance is on friday. i am excited :) i have a date. just a friend. he seems pretty excited for it, and i must say i am looking forward to it very much. this week is spirit week so i imagine it will go by faster than usual. but drama goes on until like, seven this week :( which is tiring, but i asked for this, so i will dedicate myself 100%.
samara called, by the way. it was really wonderful. it was nice to hear her voice. to know that she cares.

good night, guys. once my mother kidnaps my communication equipment, i'll be forced to entertain myself. shouldn't be that hard, though, just because i do feel like writing today. and lying in my bed listening to some beautiful music. who knows? i might actually get to bed at a decent hour. i think i will.

well, good night.

This modern love.

I'm just going with it. whatever. i am incapable of the typical bullshit anyway, so i'll have a brand of my own i guess

sincerely.

Signal the depressing ass music, because this is where i go back for a moment to the land of the rising sun. to be honest, i'm still not sure whether i took my heart with me on the plane, because i feel as if something has been missing since i've come home. something in me was different when i arrived at the philly airport that night, and i came to expect that a night like this would come where that feeling wouldn't sit well enough with me for me to not talk about it. i have to say something, so i figured i'd write about it. few people would care enough to hear my rants on how much i miss japan. emily, i think, or eddy wouldn't mind, but they're not here with me. but i wish they were, dearly, dearly, dearly.
flipping through my scrapbook i realize that there are conversations that have probably left my memory since summer; conversations i now wish i could be reminded of. i want someone to call me up and be like, 'sasha, do you remember when...?' what a sweet thing that would be. they'd be doing me a huge favor. and they wouldn't even know it.
there's something unforgettable about leaving home, and living and breathing and walking and existing thousands of miles away in an unknown world. a world that became familiar as the days progressed. as we inched closer to that day where we knew we'd say goodbye. i don't know how many others feel the way i have. i think about that trip nearly every day, and i dread the day that the descriptions of japan i give grow vague because i just can't recall the details.
then again, that's life. we forget things. and the cycle continues. world keeps turning, even if we don't want it to. and what a sad thought that is.
it's a beautiful place that i know i'll see again one day; with its culture and its people, the countryside, the city lights, the karaoke rooms, the 7/11s and warm rain beneath my bare feet on the sidewalk. the air on my skin. the heartache it brings being so far from all of it...
one day, though. nine days of my life, passed far too quickly, but one day.
because not returning just isn't an option.

I'm tired and I talk too much.

I'm so fickle! and indecisive. and goddamn, i get attached so easily. unattached just as easily, sometimes. never comes pleasantly, though, i will admit that, also.
so, what have i done with this weekend.... i haven't been terribly productive, that's for sure. i guess catching up on much needed sleep, for one. on school days i now refuse to go to bed past 11, unless something marvelous happens that i must stay up to see or experience but that kind of stuff is scarce around these parts, so 11 for me :) i'm trying to be less of a procrastinator as well. making sure i get my stuff done early, instead of right before bedtime. drama keeps me at school until 6, 6:30 nowadays, and it'll get to be later and later next week. i need to stay ahead of things.
homecoming dance is coming up in, i think, two weeks, is it? i am quite dateless. it's okay, though. i hope someone asks me, or a situation comes up where i'll feel confident enough to ask someone myself. i guess i'll figure all that shit out when the time comes.
for now i need to learn a song for Spookfest, that JP wants me to sing with him.
hopefully ryan is learning his part for our set... without guitar, the entire thing goes to shit and frankly i'm pretty scared as to whether we'll even be ready at all.