What I think I've always wanted (and needed)

I know it's unfair. I know it's selfish. But being cooped up in my bedroom, angst-ridden and mad as fuck, crying periodically for whatever reason (although today is the first time in a while, to be honest), has got me thinking about whatever it is I've always desired, and as it turns out this thing is more than just a want, it's a need. And as irrational as it may be, and as cliche as this will sound, I will write of it anyway. I don't feel like writing a disclaimer acknowledging my stupidity and selfishness for putting this out on the internet this time, because we all know it, and I need to say something. Because I don't think anyone's listening anyway.

What I think I've always wanted, it's just somebody who'd be there completely. Someone who would comfort me regardless of the night or circumstance, and call me out on my mistakes in a way that didn't berate me. Someone who wouldn't sway in the face of a storm. Reliable, honest, loyal, and most of all, steadfast.

I think to be steadfast has to be the most valuable trait I've never found in its entirety. It means to be unflinchingly present, even if it's not physically. A steadfast friend will never leave unless for their own good they feel forced to. And I would do my best not to push them away---and if they began to feel an unwelcome shove, I'd want more than anything for them to tell me.

But by the same token, if I'm crying over something I can't quite put a name to, or just need to be held without a word and I don't want to say why, then that person would be there.

I just need someone to tell me it's all going to be okay, even if they know I'm wrong.

I'd only give them the same.