Sunday, November 9, 2008

I don't know

why I do certain things that I do, it's not even as if i wanted to do it, in the moment or in retrospect for that matter and i did it anyway. it's like i don't want to respect myself, it's like i don't know how. i guess i want to make other people happy more than i care to for myself and that's not a good thing. i want to say no, i want to be able to just turn the other cheek and say, "maybe another time," or "i'm not ready," but i never do, and i end up having regrets instead. is that any way to live? i can't keep up with this shit, and as much as i wish i could just start over i feel like i can't.
i don't want to lay there scolding myself for the mistakes i make over and over and over again.

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