It's not a disclaimer.

I've been listening to all sorts of things today: music, people, barking.
And i've got some things i'd like to get off my chest. this isn't a defense, this is just something i wanted to say because it feels better doing so.
i've heard all there is to say.
so, i used to make a huge deal about being straightedge. i was judgmental, i was ignorant; and it was hard for me to be anything beyond that because my real father was, and still is, an alcoholic, and i was too bent on my lifestyle to really accept anything other than living alcohol free. i never drank myself, so combined with my former family life, it was impossible for me to have an open mind about the subject. i didn't mind a little social drinking (in other people) but i did mind excess, which seems to be the American dream.
so comes Japan, and things change. i didn't get too drunk, i remembered everything the next day save a few conversations and nothing more, and i didn't regret a thing. didn't look too good, im sure, to others (so i've heard) but did i do anything out of the ordinary? isn't drinking commonplace for most teens? and it isn't even something i plan on doing anytime in the near future, especially with some of the cretins around here.
it was the 4th of july and i wanted a new life experience. it felt ideal.
i've never smoked weed, i've never been irresponsible, and i don't want to be. that's not my goal.
so i get criticized for it, of course.
we like to judge because it gives us a chance to feel as if we're right. people love to be right, and by drawing assumptions (especially negative ones) concerning other people, it reinforces that whole "i'm right, and i feel good about it!" idea. somehow what i did was below what most kids my age do on a weekly basis. i won't bitch because i get the concept: "you were so obsessed with your edge lifestyle and you threw it away in a heartbeat, you deserve no respect blahblahblah" bullshit. sure, i act on impulse sometimes. but certain things, such as drinking, i wouldn't do on impulse; its something that, especially considering my clean lifestyle in the past, i'd think through. i think too much at times. this was one of those decisions i made consciously.
but i felt like a normal kid for once. it was an interesting sensation, sipping sake with new friends.
it's only a big deal when the edge kid practices hypocrisy, right?
like sam said, "you were criticized for being straightedge, too."
so for the first time in my life, i didn't practice what i preached for so long.
it's called growing up. i'm 16 and working on that.
as for other things damaging my reputation at the moment, i'm just going to say that whatever happened in Asia was my problem. and i have no regrets because like i said, i'm growing up and molding this person i inevitably will become. whoever the hell that is.
i might as well admit, that if there's anything i knew i wouldn't be good at, it's maintaining a positive reputation. its something that's almost entirely up to my peers to decide for me; sure, the things i do play a part but its the way you people judge them that decides what label i'll have pinned to my forehead for the remainder of my high school career.
so i had the self righteous thing going for a while. and i was criticized for that.
and now that i'm fitting in, i'm criticized for that also.
i've passed the torch to you. the same guys who complained about me before are "self righteous" themselves.
bask in it while it lasts.