Weird reality.

so we're no longer dating. no longer counting down the days until our next anniversary (monthly, and yes, i know its lame.)
our myspaces still say that we're together because i don't need my mother bitching at me for this and that.
so to us, the reality hit us; we're single, we're apart, we're just friends, and no more than that.
but to everyone else, we're in a rocky relationship recovering (whoa, that's some alliteration) from the fuck ups that i'm responsible for.
i'm hungry as hell. i want to watch movies. i'm going to watch things new friends suggested to me. thanks to frengel, i'm going to watch the go getters if 48 hours has it. thanks to eddy, i'm going to watch paranoid park.
hopefully, at least.
i feel strange. i can't say if i feel much different. there's no epiphany here: 'oh, a burden has just been lifted!' or 'i can see so much more clearly now!'. there's just pensiveness. i'm thinking about a lot. mostly about today and perhaps a little of the near future. i can't help that fact.
i really shouldn't be in a relationship, with anyone. i cut myself off from the life i want to live while hurting other people in the process---i can't do that anymore.
being the best friend is where i need to be. this is who i need to be, because 'girlfriend' is a horrible title for me. it's so unfitting.
i'm content with where i'm at for now. i just need time to myself. i really don't feel like being around other people. so the whole mom's taking me to the mall thing today is going to be interesting.
i feel like i haven't been around americans in a really long while. at the chicago airport, the chaos of the american airport hit me like a sack of bricks. we're such impatient, bothersome, ignorant people. paranoid as hell, not willing to wait just a few more minutes. such a short temper. i'm almost ashamed but this is my nation so i can't really say any more. but i will say that being overseas has pointed out the many things i found wrong with the united states.
we are a young country, though, so hopefully with time we will solve our faults and fix our mistakes.
i'm not sure of what else to write. i'll write later.